| ST. JOHN 8:11 |
| 2004 Church of God of Forrest City, Arkansas |
| Prayer Requests: gethsemane@ churchofgodforrestcity.com Repentance: repent_now@ churchofgodforrestcity.com |
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| TESTIMONIES |
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| NO MORE "COVETOUSNESS"
As a child growing up, the Ten Commandments were the cornerstone of teaching at home, church, the community, and school. I never fully understood what “covet” meant. I thought it meant I couldn’t want what others had, which in layman’s terms is exactly what it means. I want to keep this short, but I want you to know how coveting the lifestyle of a sinner can lead to destruction and hell. Covetousness was the root of my problems, it was the sin that I could not conquer, the beginning snare of many to follow in my life (lying, fornication, immodesty, lasciviousness, hatred, and others). Growing up my parents raised us in the fear of God and the teachings of the Bible. We did not have a television, and we did not go to the movies, skating, swimming, and other activities in which my peers participated. I wore long dresses, I couldn’t wear makeup, and I couldn’t get phone calls from boys or date. Oh, how I longed to do those things! I wanted to be like all the popular girls. I wanted their lifestyles; I wanted to be different than just the “sanctified” girl, which was what I was nicknamed. I craved the attention from boys that the other girls were getting. I envied them, I wanted their popularity, personality, or whatever it was that was attracting the attention I desired. In the end, I rebelled against my parents. I stopped studying; I lied, stole, and I did things to embarrass them. I started lying to my friends and teachers so that I could fit in. I lived in this make-believe world that I thought no one could see through. I started committing fornication at an early age because that’s what the other girls were doing, and I wanted their lifestyle. I wanted the boys to like me. I carried this into my adulthood. I wasn’t very shapely, so I started wearing things that would attract the attention of men. The fad of being an “around the way girl and a homie, lover, friend” was in full force at that time so I adopted that mentality because “around the way girls” smoked, cursed, fornicated, and let men disrespect them because they wanted to be one of the guys. These women seemed to make sleeping with men without commitments seem so cool and glamorous. I could not handle the guilt and the hurt that came with having casual sex; acting like it didn’t matter was tearing me up inside. Sleeping with a man and seeing him with someone else wasn’t supposed to hurt. It was supposed to be a badge of honor, a reflection of my womanly independence. Well, with me it didn’t work that way. I adopted a low self-esteem, and I became suicidal. The devil was always telling me that I could never be loved; the only thing I was good for was sex. I became so fixated on being sexually empowering that I read books, listened to the explicit lyrics of male and female rap stars, and I would refer to myself the way they did. If a woman on campus was getting the attention from someone that I wanted, I loathed her. I tried to out dress her, become flirtatious with the man, and if they were a couple I would befriend him to make her jealous. I would become everything to him that she wasn’t. When he started to stray away from her I would be malicious and use my friends who were equally malicious to drop hints about us. When they would fight about it, I would be in his corner. When I had him where I wanted him, his attention on me and not on her, I would drop him. I never wanted him in the first place. I just didn’t want her to have him. Eventually that lifestyle got old. I had a reputation, and I wasn’t even sleeping with these guys, but men and women talk and you will reap what you sow. To make a long story short, I was miserable. Eventually, I got pregnant and the man didn’t want me. I came home with a battered and bruised spirit, and I got saved. Everyone at home supported me; the saints took me in like the prodigal daughter. The Lord blessed me to graduate from college and get a good job two months later. I was saved but I had not conquered that spirit of wanting what others had. I backslid, got pregnant again, and again I was left hanging. I bounced around from relationship to relationship. Again I started to become depressed and it affected me physically. I started having blackouts and seizures due to stress. I barely weighed 100 lbs because I was too depressed to eat. My four-year-old child had to take care of me because I would constantly blackout. She was afraid to be with me because I was always stressed out and crying. Rumors of me having AIDS tried to surface and that’s when I grew tired of my lifestyle. It took me a while, but I came back to the church and REPENTED of ALL my sins. Later, I accepted the experience of sanctification, and the Lord delivered me from wanting what others have, from wanting the lifestyle of a sinner. That lifestyle is hard. Even though the Lord again blessed me to receive my Masters degree and get a good job, I still have to pay for wanting what others have. Being a single parent is hard. Explaining to my daughters why their fathers are not around is unbearable pain at times, but God brings me through it. You see, the lesson I learned is an old saying…“The grass ‘aint always greener on the other side!” Young people, and anyone else reading this, the only thing you should ever covet is the lifestyle of a righteous saint; a truly saved, sanctified and Holy Spirit-filled saint! God will give you the desires of your heart, but he is the only person you can want, and his way is the only way you can want. A Sister in Christ Church of God of Forrest City, AR |
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